A native of Chicago, IL she currently resides in Las Vegas, Nv with her family.
All written expression belongs to me with the exception of some quotes and re-blogs. Enjoy! ~M
I’ve always been a busy body or wiggle worm, according to my Grammie. I don’t like inactivity. It makes me feel lazy and unproductive. There is a voice in my head that says “you should be doing something.”
Social media seems to feed that need to constantly be in motion. Posting and scrolling have become a regular part of my day. But more and more I’m finding comfort in moments of silence and peace in stillness. Even that nagging voice is mute.
I’m beginning to believe it is a state of existence with which we should become more familiar. Be it by prayer or meditation or nothingness; the answers we often seek, can be found in those moments of standing still. We often miss out on revelation, due to our created chaos.
I used to pride myself on being awhat you see is what you get type of person. I wasn’t fond of pretending to be someone I wasn’t and I didn’t care much for those who did. Despite my attempts at being genuine, some people still saw me as a phony.
It used to bother me a great deal because like most of us, I just wanted to be loved and understood. I wanted to know that my thoughts and ideas about life weren’t so farfetched and maybe there were a few other people out there in the world who agreed.
I spent a lot of energy trying to get others to understand my ideas and ways of doing things, hoping that would clear up the misconception and thus get me the love and acceptance I so badly needed.
As I grew older I came to understand that it didn’t matter much what people wanted to label me as, cocky was still confident, and bossy was still authoritative and a genuine smile could still be perceived as being bogus. But the most important lesson, was knowing that I loved and accepted myself, rose or otherwise.
“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. ” -Audre Lorde
I believe each individual has multiple images of themselves that they project. There is the person we want the world to believe we are, the person we think we are, and who we are…truly.
The latter seems the most difficult image to decode. I would guess the culprit to not being able to walk comfortably in our own skin is FEAR. "Maybe they won’t like me or respect me or…" the list can be endless.
Some of us aren’t even aware we aren’t living our authentic lives; the most dangerous deception of all. In the past I struggled with this issue on a daily basis. But a new found fearless approach and knowing that God loves me as he created me to be, has given me the courage to dig a little deeper into the excavation of my true self. What a discovery!
I now regard other people’s opinions of who I am as the proverbial tree falling in the forest. And I’m satisfied knowing the only opinion that gives weight overall is that of myself;
my Father loves me unconditionally. ~M
I have been out of my element for quite sometime. I know I am not alone in this regard. Many of us are finding ourselves in this same preferment; having to walk on air, live in trees, or breathe under water. ~M
That old adage is very true; if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…I’m sure you can finish the rest. I have always attributed my ability for discernment as a gift God gave me.
I don’t always understand why I feel what I feel, but I’ve learned to pay attention to it. More importantly, I’ve learned to let what illnesses lie beneath the surface of another’s skin be their cross to bear.
Because when you get right down to the heart of it all, the only thing we can actually change is ourselves. ~M